Our miracle

Our miracle

Saturday, May 21, 2011

May 22nd!

Today was a pretty good day besides the rough night we had with our 5 year old last night, she woke up at 3am coughing really bad and acting like her throat hurt. Every year around Easter time she gets croup cough due to her allergies but thankfully it didn't happen then and waited till now because I wouldn't have been able to help her feel better with everything I was dealing with close to Easter. Jonathan and I were going to my best friends wedding today so luckily we had already planned to have Leilani stay with G-ma today because she didn't want to go with us anyways. The wedding was beautiful and the rain stayed away and the sun kept coming in and out of the clouds, the only thing that would have made it better is if the wind hadn't been blowing so much. It was nice to be able to get out of the house today for an event other than going to the dr or the store. I dropped Jonathan off at home after the wedding because he also is not feeling well and is sick with a bad cold then went on to my parents house to get Leilani. Leilani wasn't feeling well at all but we got her to eat some dinner and then she was ready to go home which made me know she really didn't feel well because she doesn't usually want to leave if she is playing with her cousins. So we came home and relaxed the rest of the evening and gave her some medicine. She didn't cough much this evening but started coughing alot more a couple hours ago so we brought out the nebulizer to see if it would help, got to get her better hate seeing her sick.
As far as the blood clot in my leg goes it still hurts a little bit and I have been going to the dr like twice a week to have my blood levels checked for the coumadin and will be going back again on Tuesday to have it checked again and talk with the dr. So far my levels are going up like they should be so the clot should slowly be dissolving now, oh and I'm off the shots too as of last Monday so that's wonderful news. When I go back in on Tuesday the dr will be telling me the results from all the tests they did that are finally back so please keep me in your prayers that everything is ok and that the blood clot isn't genetic or anything to be worried about. I asked the nurse if I could start working out again at the gym and she said not for a few weeks that they want to get my levels steady for a couple weeks before I do anything like that. She said I can take short walks but to take it easy still. I'm so ready to just be better. I did start babysitting again this past week and it was really nice to get back to a routine and have someone for Leilani to play with again. Leilani's fits were getting bad again but they seem to be alot better this week since I'm feeling better and can give her attention. We are all missing Paige so much and talk about what she must be doing up in Heaven and who she is with there. I'm sure she is making lots of friends. I'm still sleeping with her blanket she used most of the time she was at the hospital and her lamb that was given to us at the hospital. She has her little lamb with her and Leilani has the same one and me and Jonathan have this one that we share. I don't ever want her smell to leave the blanket, I love to cuddle up with it and remember her and how precious she was and of course I usually cry, it feels like so long ago that she was with us but also so short. I am just now going to be going for my 6 week postpartum check-up on Tuesday. I will update everyone on Tuesday with my results from the tests so please continue to keep me in your prayers please!

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Paige Miracle

May 8th!

Today is Mother's day and also Paige was born 1 month ago so there are alot of emotions today missing my baby girl. To add to those emotions I just got home from being in the hospital for two nights with a blood clot in my left calf. Luckily the dr says it's a pretty small clot and I caught it in time before it spread or got bigger, god had his protecting hand over me once again and I'm so greatful for that. I would have went home last night instead of today but my platelet count seems to be alot lower than when they checked it before I had Paige and they don't know why so they wanted to be safe and keep me to be evaluated 1 extra night. So I'm home now and on some blood thinner shots I have to have given every 12 hours and also on coumidan and will be going to see the dr on Tuesday for more blood to be drawn and check my levels on several things. Then will be going back on Wednesday to get the results and to hopeully find out what caused this clot, they are thinking it was caused by hormonal issues more than the D&C or the birth so we shall see. I'm so thankful for all the prayers that are continually going out for me. I am so ready to be healthy again and not be back in the hospital again for a long time so please keep me in your prayers. My friend Heather came here to visit for a week and poor thing has been in the hospital alot of the time but thanks to my parents they took her to the mountains and several different places to sight see today so she is having a good time. My leg still hurts alot but seems to get better when I walk on it for a little while. I will keep everyone updated on my recovery and what I find out from the dr on Wednesday.

The letter we wrote to Paige Miracle that was read at memorial service.

To our sweet baby Paige Miracle,

From the very moment we knew of your existence, we have loved you. We were so blessed to have had 4 precious days with you after being prepared that we may only have minutes. During these days we had the chance to notice the little things that we would never have known about you otherwise. Things like you having Mommy’s widow’s peak in your hairline and Daddy’s “Lying Toe” on both feet as well as big sister Leilani’s full lips and perfect little dimple by those sweet little lips. Such memories we have to treasure, thank you so much for holding on and giving us extra time to spend with you, what a precious gift.
When I think of all the things you’ll never do in this life…all the “firsts” we will not experience with you, I am reminded that you gave so much more in your short life than most of us give in a lifetime of many years. Your gift of a chance at life to all those babies who otherwise would have no hope is just one of the many miracles of Paige. You have touched the lives of so many already and you have even caused some to reassess their belief that there is a God.
All of your nurses were amazed to hear of all the “Miracles of Paige” and were so very impressed by your strong will to live and seemingly having your own agenda of when it was time to go to Jesus.
Your apparent fondness of the number 4 will forever impact our lives. From your birthday of 4/8, your time of birth at 4:44pm, your weight of 4 lbs. 8 oz., and the fact that you are the 4th Anencephaly baby in the United States to offer the gift of life through organ donation. Not to mention your time spent in this life was 4 ¼ days, almost to the minute. When Pastor Hale came in to pray with us and console us after your passing he reminded us not to forget about the 4th man in the fire; rightly fitting because without that 4th man we would never have had the strength to endure these last 4 months following your diagnosis.
Baby Paige, this family of 4 will not be the same without you…when we all took our turn to say our “see you later’s” we came to realize that while it will seem like such a long time to us, for you it will be but a brief moment before we are reunited in that haven called Heaven at end of the road.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

May 2nd!

Donor Alliance called me the other day to give me an update about the donation. They are going to be able to use the heart valves for 2 babies and the liver for 2 babies which will save 4 babies lives, of course it was 4 babies because that's her number. I also was told that it is true that Paige is the 4th Anencephaly baby to be able to donate in the United States (another 4). Since Paige donated there have been several other babies that are now signed up to donate because of her story so she is helping other families realize that their anencephaly babies could donate and help other babies.
I was dropping off some milk at the hospitals milk bank area the other day and the nurses were helping us fit it into the freezer and they said there are 3 preemie babies just at that hospital in the NICU that are using donated milk and when me and my mom walked out we said I think they must be mistaken its probably 4, well sure enough Rose came and was talking to us and we didn't even mention what they said and she said there are 4 babies right now using donated milk, (theres another 4) the number 4 is so special to us now! I can't thank God enough for all the miracles he has given and shown us through Paige.
I went into the bank today and met with the banker who had helped us set up the donation account for Paige and she remembered me and asked how long Paige lived and was so happy we got time with her, and I was so happy that she was nice enough to care and ask me.
When I went into the drs office last Monday about a medical issue I was having with my recovery and to see if I needed to have a d&c the receptionist told me you might be getting a bill in the mail but just ignore it and you will also be receiving a refund. I had no idea what she was talking about and just said ok in a confused voice. Well today when Jonathan got the mail I opened up an envelope with a refund check inside from my dr's office for the exact amount I had paid to the office the first 6 months of my pregnancy. Another blessing and miracle has taken place, I don't know the reason for the refund but I'm sure it's because Paige touched someone elses heart. Everytime I tell someone her story they are so touched and I'm so glad I can share all the miracles that God has done because of our sweet baby girl!

Sunday, May 1, 2011

April 15th!

Today we are having the burial with just our family and Laura and Rose which are like family to us and Pastor! It's a little chilly outside today but luckily not snowing or raining. We all head over to the funeral home to see Paige one last time before the burial takes place. Leilani takes her 2 first teeth she has lost 1 while Paige was still in Mommy's tummy and 1 after Paige was born, actually lost it on the day of the Memorial Service. It was all her idea when she lost her first tooth to give it to Paige to remember her by so we wrote a note and put them in a little bag together. I let Leilani know before we came into the viewing room that we would be seeing Paige one last time but that she was already in Heaven with Jesus and that it was just her body that we were seeing so she wouldn't be confused and even though she is only 5 she seemed to understand what I meant. When we got into the viewing room before the funeral director opened the beautiful white fluffy casket Jonathan said by the way I noticed last night that she still has the wrap on from the hospital can we take that off? It was a blanket that we had used from the NICU when she left to go to the mortuary so they wouldn't drop her blanket or lose it before the burial. So he said of course so he lifted her up and we took it off of her and me and Jonathan got to hold her 1 last time and I cried and she was so fragile but so beautiful still. I told my parents it would be ok if they took a picture of us with her 1 last time and then I laid her down into her little casket and Leilani put her lamb she had picked out for her in there with her and then her 2 teeth and then the funeral director took a picture of all of the family together with her one last time. We all headed down to BabyLand for the burial and after Pastor spoke we had a balloon release in honor of Paige with pink balloons it was beautiful even though it was very windy and the balloons went really fast into the sky. We then watched her casket be put into the vault and Candace,Ana and Leilani all put their pics they had colored for her into the vault with her and Jonathan,me and Leilani put a rose on top of her casket. It was then time to say see ya later never goodbye because we will see her someday soon in Heaven and we can't wait for that day. We had a ton of food from the church at our house so I invited all the family to come over to eat lunch and my sister stopped to get drinks and ice and some bread and stuff to go with what we had already it was so sweet of her can't thank her enough for that blessing to us. After my family went home I decided it would be nice to take a nap and Jonathan and Leilani went to Target with Nana and Papa and got spoiled and then they brought us Chillis home for dinner, so glad we both have such wonderful supportive caring families and such wonderful friends.

April 14th!

Today Jonathans family will be coming into town for the Memorial Service and we are so thankful that both Jonathans sisters,Dad, and Mom and niece get to come. Joane arrived shorly after I woke up this morning and since our photographer hasn't returned our call about doing the slideshow she said she would get started working on it for us. I finally got in contact with our photographer and she seemed a little overwelmed but kept saying she should be able to get it done in time for us, but when she mentioned she had to leave in like an hour to do a photo shoot for a wedding I just told her that my sister-in-law was here and could do it for us so she wouldn't have to stress out about getting it done in time. I wanted the slideshow to be perfect and she was having issues with her computer and not answering our phone calls and everything so I just decided it wasn't worth me stressing out about it that Joane could do a beautiful job with it and didn't seem stressed about doing it at the last minute at all. So Joane finished it in like an hour for us and of course the pics had to be 4 secs long to make the song end in the right spot for the amount of pics we had wanted to use. I will post the letter that explains Paige and her 4's later this week, 4 was her number if you haven't noticed that already. The rest of the family was also supposed to arrive this morning but their flight got cancelled so their flight came in just a couple hours before the Memorial Service so they literally came here and changed and we all dashed off to the church. I hadn't taken ibuprofen lately so of course Laura being the caring person she is went and found someone in a classroom downstairs and had them find me some pretzels to eat so I could take medicine so I wasn't in pain sitting through the service and she gave me her water bottle, like I said before don't know what I would do without her she is like family to us all now and I'm so glad her Pearl and my Paige are together in Heaven. The service was beautiful and Joane sang 'Visitor from Heaven' so beautifully and Marietta read the letter just perfectly and Bro. Hood said just the right things and Bro.Hales message was just wonderful and perfect and can't forget the beautiful singing of Sis.Hale and her singers she had with her and the beautiful song 'We are standing on Holy Ground'. I was so happy to see so many of our wonderful friends and even people that we hadn't seen in years that we used to work with at Sears, it meant so much to us to have so many people there. We can't thank everyone enough for coming and being there and making our baby girls service so special!

April 13th!

Today we had to wake up at 8am to get to the funeral home by 10am to try and plan Paiges Memorial Service for Thursday night the 14th. Jonathan and I got about 3 hours of sleep and headed to the funeral home to meet with the funeral director and have Laura on speaker phone during the whole thing to make sure all the plans were done well. We don't know what we would have done without Laura and Rose and String of Pearls the last serveral months, we can't thank them enough for everything they have done for us. We came to the funeral home after we had found out Paiges diagnosis to start the planning so today would be an easy process and not much details to plan out which I'm so glad we did it all ahead of time. Between the lack of sleep and the grieving and everything we have to get done today for the service tomorrow night it's a relief to have most of it already done. String of Pearls even helped us with the funeral costs and we can't thank them enough for that and everything else that we were able to have to make memories with Paige that we will cherish forever. After leaving the funeral home this morning we had lots of things to get done to make the service for Paige perfect. So we headed to my parents house to start on the list of things that needed to get done. My mom helped me write the letter and my dad helped Jonathan write out the obituary and Rachel and Tyler had already made and printed out the programs and were just waiting for the order of service to be approved by our Pastor so they could print those out and put them into the programs, we are so thankful to them and my parents for all their help and my sister was a life saver by watching Leilani with her 3 girls for several days in a row and even over night a few nights. My family just pulled together as a team to get everything done perfectly for Paiges Memorial Service and we can't thank them enough. Even my cousin who is in Illinois helped us by fixing a picture for us for the shadowbox we were having made by 2 lovely friends to be displayed at the service. I'm also so thankful for Kendra from church for helping me with plans by sharing her order of service and obituary and different things ahead of time to help us start the planning can't thank her enough. When we finally did get most everything done today we totally crashed and slept so well, I just cuddled up with Paiges brown blanket she used alot and her lamb that was given to us from Rose, I cried of course as I smelled her sweet baby smell she had on her blanket but it helped me to sleep knowing she was safe in the loving arms of Jesus!

April 12th!

Today was day 4 of Paige still living and when we woke up we noticed that Paige was gasping for air a little bit like she was having a harder time breathing and she began to have more intense seizures than before. We also wanted to make sure and hold her as much as possible today so after I had got up and ready for the day we began to start holding her and Rose decided to come and do her hand and foot molds and other items we had wanted to get done that we hadn't got done when she was first born, I also decided because it had been awhile since she had a bath we would give her another bath and make her smell all yummy with her lotion and dress her in a new outfit. So Grandma Honey held her as Rose and another wonderful nurse and Jonathan did the molds on her hands and feet and she got all dirty from the clay. When they were doing them it was so hard to see her get more and more seizures as the day passed. When she was all done I gave her a bath and tried to get all the clay and paint off of her and then put lotion on her and put a new hat and outfit on her and Rose grabbed her camera and decided to take some pictures of her just in her diaper, by this time Laura was with us again and they set her up all like a little model having a photo shoot done it was adorable so I grabbed her creme hat with the pink flower to get some pics of it and grabbed her pink blanket and her lambs and we got some amazing pics she was just a little princess! It couldn't have been a more perfect day with all the memories we were getting of her. My best friend called during the photo shoot and said she was nearby and was going to stop by so she came by for a little while and got to see our little model posing and then had a chance to hold her again for a little while before she had to leave. After she left Laura was holding her and she was beginning to spit up stuff and kind of gag and have more seizures and her skin was yellowish from the jaundice she was getting from not eating anything the last 4 days it was so hard to watch but we knew it was getting closer to time for her to see Jesus and we knew from reading other stories it was all part of the process. With all that was happening her heart rate stayed up really high she was just so strong willed like her Big Sister. We had Lisa and Courtney come to meet our little Angel and take their turn to hold her and we showed them the foot and hand molds and they were discussing with us about putting them in a shadowbox for us to have as a precious memory. When they left and my dad and Rachel left Grandma Honey was holding Paige for awhile and I decided I wanted to hold her for a little while before bed so my mom handed her to me and decided to go out in the hall to use the restroom so she could come back and start getting ready for bed (she told us later that she was crying out in the hall praying to God to please let this be her time to go to Heaven because I don't think Amber and me and Jonathan can watch her seize and gasp for air all night long it would be to hard on us) so I held her in my arms and asked Jonathan for a wet washcloth to wipe the corner of her eyes because all the tears she kept having in her eyes were making her skin kind of gookey so I wiped her eyes and told her how much I loved her and that I didn't want her to hold on for us any more that Jesus was waiting for her to be with him and when she was ready we would all be ok and that yes we would miss her but we would be ok, just within a few mins she started to seize alot and would lift up her head and gasp for air and all of a sudden her heart rate started to drop from being in the 100's to way down where the alarm went off and I said we are losing her as there was tears in my eyes, my mom walked in right then as I was saying we are losing her and ran to my side and either her or Jonathan called the charge nurse right away and they were in the room within a few seconds, so I continued to hold her and just say its ok you are going to be with Jesus very soon he's waiting for you. We all started calling people, I called Laura first and then Rose and the nursing staff called donor alliance to get them there in time. She passed so quickly right in my arms and at that moment I was so glad I was the one who was holding her last and I was the first one to hold her when she was born. To this day I still think about how she went to be with Jesus and how I'm so glad it wasn't a long process of her heart dropping and gasping for air, it was so much easier to see her go peacefully and quickly. Laura, Rose and my dad all showed up really quick to quickly actually they were all speeding to get there I'm sure. About an hour later our baby girl had her Daddy carry her into the operating room so she could donate her heart valves and liver to other babies. Her heart valves would go to 2 babies and her liver would go to 2-4 babies so she would be saving the lives of at least 4 babies, such a miracle! After she came back from the surgery with Rose we held her again and then waited for the people from the mortuary to come get her. It was so hard to watch her leave that room all wrapped up in a blanket. Shortly after she left the room we gathered our stuff up that we had packed all up during the surgery and loaded it on a cart and walked through the hospital with empty arms around 4am. I was so glad we left then because there wasn't many people around to see us crying and leaving with flowers and bags and no baby. We came home and got in bed to get up in like 3 hours to head to the funeral home to make arrangements for her beautiful Memorial Service that would be on Thursday evening at our church.

April 11th!

Today is Monday and Paige is still fighting to hold on and stay alive, her heart rate is still very strong and her color is really good, the nurses and staff are just amazed at the Miracle of Paige and even though we aren't admitted any more they still come in to check on us and see Paige. Paige sure touched alot of the nurses and staff's hearts and changed them so much! My mom came back early this morning and decided because of my emotions last night and even still this morning she wasn't going to leave again until we went home, she felt like she needed to be there with us for the extra support and comfort we may have needed. When she arrived I told her that we were going to hold Paige all day long and not put her down because I felt like maybe she felt like we hadn't held her enough and that's what she was holding on for. I always got this feeling that she was hanging on for us for some reason and even though we kept telling her she didn't have to fight to stay with us that we understood she would be going with Jesus soon she still held on strong.Laura came again today to be with us for a couple hours and got to hold Paige some more. I had some complications with my recovery and was freaking out about it which was the total cause for my high emotions last night and this morning so when another one of my wonderful nurses figured out what was going on and fixed the problem my emotions drastically changed immediately and I said I'm going to relax and know that we are ok to be here as long as Paige is still alive and that from this moment on I'm not going to think about when she is going to be with Jesus I'm just going to enjoy her every moment with us. I also felt that Paige was looking out for her Mommy and didn't want me to go home with this medical issue and start planning her Memorial service and ignore the problem and end up in the ER so maybe that's why she was fighting to stay alive. It was amazing to see how a medical issue being solved could change my emotions so quickly. I had prayed the night before for God to give me peace and he definitely did at that point right there, I'm so thankful to know a God who answers prayers! Having Paige be born alive and living for so long are true miracles from God and we are so thankful for all the wonderful miracles we are seeing and have seen the whole pregnancy. My sister stayed at home with the girls today and kept Leilani with her because all the emotions were getting pretty intense being in the hospital room and we wanted the girls to be able to have some normal time at home. My mom stayed with us tonight and my dad came up in the evening for a little while and they went to dinner and brought us some pizza back for our dinner. My dad ended up leaving about 9pm and we got to bed a little earlier than usual. We had noticed that there was alot of different things going on with Paige that hadn't happened before now and I had read some of the things in other peoples stories of their babies with anencephaly like she was starting to get tears in her eyes and more seizures and she also slept with her mouth wide open all night long which might have been because she was having a harder time breathing, we knew she wasn't suffering and wasn't in pain so that helped but it was still beginning to get harder on us knowing we couldnt do anything for her but hold her and tell her how much we loved her and would miss her.

April 10th!

My mom and dad came back to be with us this afternoon after they took a much needed nap from taking Nana and JoJo to the airport at like 4am this morning. Tyler and Rachel ended up dropping by for a few hours to be with us and Paige and Tori and the girls came with Mom and Dad also. So we had a full room minus 2 once again and it was really nice, Paige loved all the commotion and attention. She started having little seizures today and we found that if we weren't holding her she had less of them, guess the excitement of being held triggered them. My dr came in this evening and discharged me and Paige but because we were donating her organs and under the circumstance that Paige wouldn't live very long and we needed to be there after she had passed within an hour, the hospital boarded us in our same room we were in like we were at a hotel, I was so thankful to them for that, what a wonderful thing to do for families in these situations! I wouldn't have nurses coming in every few hours to check on us and wouldn't be able to order food or anything because I wasn't admitted any more and I took my own ibuprofen since I wouldn't be getting a bill for this part of the stay. All the family left pretty early this evening because of the work week starting again in the morning so me and Jonathan were with Paige alone which was kind of nice, my mom even took Leilani home with her. Well in the middle of the night I woke up very emotional and couldn't stop crying and was just feeling alot of emotions running through my head about being at the hospital and feeling like we would be kicked out soon and all I could think about was I can't take Paige home because if she passes away while we are there I will always have to remember those things like, we are in the room she passed in or how she passed and also because we were worried we wouldn't get back to the hospital in time for the donation because we live like 30 mins away. Jonathan ended up calling my mom in the middle of the night to see if she could calm me down and she said she would come to the hospital right away which I didn't want her to do so I said no and said I would be ok just come right away in the morning, well I still was very upset so Jonathan got Rose to come in and she said she would sit with me all night if I wanted her to which I didn't want her to have to do but I told her I didn't need a nurse to come check the monitor for me every hour that I would still be checking it myself and wanted to be alone with my baby and husband so she let the nurse know that we didn't need her to check it for us. When I finally started to calm down after Rose kept telling me don't worry you won't be kicked out of here over and over again Jonathan surprised me and brought in another nurse I had really liked and that cheered me up alot just to have her talk with me a few mins and give me a hug! I decided I would just watch some of my 7th Heaven while I was in bed and then hold the lamb that Rose had brought for Paige and us and was finally able to fall asleep for a few hours.

April 9th!

Today is Saturday and Paige is still living and has a really good high heart rate. I didn't sleep well last night just thinking about the not knowing of when she is going to pass. The un-known is way harder than we ever imagined it to be. All the family came back to be with us at the hospital today and we are all just hanging out in our huge hospital room passing around Paige. Since she has the heart rate monitor hooked up to her you have to sit in a certain seat to hold her now so the machine doesn't beep or her links don't come off! Sometimes while holding her the links move and the machine beeps but we just adjust them and her heart rate goes right back up. She loves to be held and you can totally see that by her heart rate which always goes up even higher while she is being held! I only bought her 2 outfits and had 2 hats made for her so I only had 1 for the hospital because we never thought we would need more than 1 for the hospital and 1 for the burial but we were wrong we have a strong little fighter with us so my sister is bringing some of Bellas preemie outfits and hats for Paige to wear because she shouldn't have to wear the same outfit everyday she is still with us. Thankful for my sister to allow us to use some of the cute things Bella only wore for a little while, so when we take pictures we can see and remember everyday that Paige was still with us. We are letting Nana and Auntie JoJo have alot of time holding Paige today because they are leaving to go back home tomorrow morning and won't be back until the Memorial Service. We all still can't believe Paige is still hanging on and so strong but are so happy for every moment we have with her. The lactation department brought me a breastpump to use because I am planning on donating to the Milk Bank to help preemie babies since Paige can't eat and I'm sure she would want to help other babies and use her milk. My best friend Marietta came back to the hospital today and spent about an hour with us this evening after alot of the family left and got to hold Paige for awhile again. My mom decided she would go home to sleep tonight because Jonathan was able to help me during the night and I didn't seem to need her for anything during the night like I thought I would. One of my wonderful nurses told me she would come in and check the monitor every hour without waking us so we could get some much needed sleep so I slept with Paiges lamb that Rose had brought to her and us and I slept so well, and my nurse just had to wake me up every 4 hours for ibuprofen and I would dose right back to sleep.

April 8th!

Started the pitocin this morning to get my contractions going more and I'm about 3 cms dialated so far. My dad and Rachel took the day off of work to be at the hospital with us for the birth so the whole family is with me in the labor and delivery room today and we are just chatting and hanging out waiting for the time till I feel I need to be alone and breathe through the contractions with just my mom and hubby with me. I didn't have an epidural with Leilani my 5 year old so I wanted to try and not get one this time too, I have a pretty high tolerance for pain and I hate needles so that's why I always avoid the epidural. I wasn't going to close the door on getting it completely this time because I was told the induction could take several days and Paige wouldn't come down the birth canal on her own so I would just see how everything was going before I made my decision. I wasn't being checked very often and my contractions were starting to get pretty intense so I decided to have the nurse check me to see how things were progressing and how much longer I had to go and when she checked me I was only at like 5 cms and she told me it would probably be another 4-6 hours before I was ready to push so I decided it was time to kick everyone out of the room and get the pain shot through my IV so I could get some rest between contractions like I did with Leilani so I wouldn't be exhausted when it was time to push. So as I did with Leilani I did with this labor also I would dose off for a few mins and wake up breathing but this time I never completely dosed off like last time because the contractions seemed to be so much closer together than with Leilani so I would start to finally fall asleep and then wake up breathing and Jonathan and my mom would hold my hand. Within maybe 20 mins. if even that long I started doing my breathing exercises pretty intensely like hehehehe hooooo instead of hehe hoo lol and Jonathan and my mom both thought I think it might be time and right as they though that I said I think I'm ready to push so they called the dr in and they hurried up and set up everything as fast as they could and sure enough I had went from 5 -10 cms in like 20 mins. and was ready to push. During the pushing I didn't know what was going on but I literally felt like I was going to die and was delivering a 20 pound baby or something. My mom kept saying I think she needs more oxygen because I didn't look very good and they were just focusing on getting Paige out. As you see in the ultrasound picture with her chubby arm she also had shoulders like a football player and got stuck. We had discussed with my dr that if her heart rate was going down and there was a chance she wouldn't survive the birth we would go in for an emergency c-section to have a better chance for a live brith because it was so important to us because she had to be alive to donate her heart valves and liver and she had stayed alive the whole 9 months so we wanted to meet her alive if at all possible. Well her heart rate stayed high even during the time of being stuck and having to be pulled out she was so strong. When she was finally out and they put her hat on her head they laid her right on me and we were all crying and so happy she was still living, we kept just saying Thank you Jesus because that was truly a miracle after such a complicated and difficult delivery down the birth canal. Rose and my mom and Jonathan were all taking tons of pictures and everyone was crying and were just amazed she was still breathing. All the family was waiting outside the door because they also didn't think she would make it out alive or they thought she would die right away so they wanted to make sure they were right there to meet her as soon as I was ready to have them all come in. Everyone came in to meet her and were just in awe of how beautiful and perfect she looked, you couldn't even really tell there was something wrong with her when she had her hat on and she looked so much like her Big Sister Leilani. Her eyes were pretty swollen from the delivery but other than that she was just beautiful. Our photographer that was supposed to come take pictures couldn't come till 9 pm and we didn't want to wait that long because she was born at 4:44 pm and we didn't know how long she would be alive so I'm not sure who but I'm guessing Laura found another photographer that was already at the hospital and she was going to come up right away to take pics so Laura and my wonderful nurse Julia got me all dressed and ready really quick and we got some awesome pics from the photographer and Rose who was also taking tons of wonderful pics at the same time. It was all like a dream because she was still with us and we were told that would most likely not happen, so we just kept having to thank God for this little Miracle he had given us. When the photographer left we had family come back in and got pics with each of the families with Paige seperately and they each got to hold her. The Hoods and the Hales came and my best friend Marietta also came right after we had got all the pics taken. Laura from String of Pearls took her turn to hold Paige and she rubbed her little cheek and was talking to her telling her about her daughter Pearl who she would meet up in Heaven and to tell her hello for her and Paige just laid there and said uh huh in this cutest little undescribeable voice like she actually heard her and was agreeing with her about Heaven and Pearl (I'll post the video of it once we find out who actually got it on their camera because several got their cameras out to capture the sweet moment). I tried to sit there and eat some dinner as Paige was just passed around the room with different family members and they all told her how much they loved her and how beautiful she was and I just sat there and watched everyone love on her as she still was breathing. I can't remember what time people left but I know it was late and we were just enjoying all the time with her and Rose decided to bring in a cradle for her to sleep in and a heart rate monitor machine to hook her up to so we would know when she was passing by an alarm hooked up to her instead of not sleeping at all and making sure she was still breathing all night long. I still didn't sleep well that first night because I was constantly checking on her and watching the monitor and being woke up every 4 hours for ibuprofen. The reason for the monitor was because we needed to know when to let donor alliance know it was time because in order to donate she would need to be in the operating room an hour after she had passed. Donor Alliance actually stayed the whole night at the hospital thinking she would pass during the night but nope our strong little baby girl was a fighter and she kept her heart rate in the low 100's. Something I forgot to mention was when she was born we also needed her to weigh at least 6 pounds to be able to donate and when my dr looked at her she said oh yeah shes at least that she is chubby, well when they weighed her she only weighed 4 lbs 8 ounces so we were kind of sad that she would only be able to donate 1 of the items but when Rose talked to Donor Alliance she came back and told us they were going to allow her to donate anyways, talk about a flood of tears and thank you Jesus coming from us. God is so good and he kept showing us so many miracles. My nurses were so touched by our family,story and Paige fighting to stay alive. They would always come in and talk to her and were so sweet to us and they treated us like family, even when they weren't working they would call to check on us and were so surprised that Paige was still holding on.

Evening of April 7th!

The induction has been started with a pill that I will take every 4 hours during the night and I am still 2 cms dialated. My mother-in-law, sister-in-law Joane, Leilani, My hubby and my Mom are with me at the hospital along with Rose and Laura from String of Pearls that will be staying the whole night at the hospital to be at the birth of Paige. I will be taking something to help me sleep in a little while because induction could take a long time with this baby they say. My hubby and Mom are staying the night with me and Leilani will be going home to sleep with Auntie and Nana and coming back in the morning for the birth. We have the biggest room with a beautiful view of the mountains right out our window and we are at the end of the hall all by ourselves thanks to Rose and Laura!

April 7th!

Today is the big day and I'm starting to get nervous about the induction this evening at 7:30pm but also excited to meet Paige!