May 22nd!

Today was a pretty good day besides the rough night we had with our 5 year old last night, she woke up at 3am coughing really bad and acting like her throat hurt. Every year around Easter time she gets croup cough due to her allergies but thankfully it didn't happen then and waited till now because I wouldn't have been able to help her feel better with everything I was dealing with close to Easter. Jonathan and I were going to my best friends wedding today so luckily we had already planned to have Leilani stay with G-ma today because she didn't want to go with us anyways. The wedding was beautiful and the rain stayed away and the sun kept coming in and out of the clouds, the only thing that would have made it better is if the wind hadn't been blowing so much. It was nice to be able to get out of the house today for an event other than going to the dr or the store. I dropped Jonathan off at home after the wedding because he also is not feeling well and is sick with a bad cold then went on to my parents house to get Leilani. Leilani wasn't feeling well at all but we got her to eat some dinner and then she was ready to go home which made me know she really didn't feel well because she doesn't usually want to leave if she is playing with her cousins. So we came home and relaxed the rest of the evening and gave her some medicine. She didn't cough much this evening but started coughing alot more a couple hours ago so we brought out the nebulizer to see if it would help, got to get her better hate seeing her sick.
As far as the blood clot in my leg goes it still hurts a little bit and I have been going to the dr like twice a week to have my blood levels checked for the coumadin and will be going back again on Tuesday to have it checked again and talk with the dr. So far my levels are going up like they should be so the clot should slowly be dissolving now, oh and I'm off the shots too as of last Monday so that's wonderful news. When I go back in on Tuesday the dr will be telling me the results from all the tests they did that are finally back so please keep me in your prayers that everything is ok and that the blood clot isn't genetic or anything to be worried about. I asked the nurse if I could start working out again at the gym and she said not for a few weeks that they want to get my levels steady for a couple weeks before I do anything like that. She said I can take short walks but to take it easy still. I'm so ready to just be better. I did start babysitting again this past week and it was really nice to get back to a routine and have someone for Leilani to play with again. Leilani's fits were getting bad again but they seem to be alot better this week since I'm feeling better and can give her attention. We are all missing Paige so much and talk about what she must be doing up in Heaven and who she is with there. I'm sure she is making lots of friends. I'm still sleeping with her blanket she used most of the time she was at the hospital and her lamb that was given to us at the hospital. She has her little lamb with her and Leilani has the same one and me and Jonathan have this one that we share. I don't ever want her smell to leave the blanket, I love to cuddle up with it and remember her and how precious she was and of course I usually cry, it feels like so long ago that she was with us but also so short. I am just now going to be going for my 6 week postpartum check-up on Tuesday. I will update everyone on Tuesday with my results from the tests so please continue to keep me in your prayers please!

Paige Miracle

May 8th!

Today is Mother's day and also Paige was born 1 month ago so there are alot of emotions today missing my baby girl. To add to those emotions I just got home from being in the hospital for two nights with a blood clot in my left calf. Luckily the dr says it's a pretty small clot and I caught it in time before it spread or got bigger, god had his protecting hand over me once again and I'm so greatful for that. I would have went home last night instead of today but my platelet count seems to be alot lower than when they checked it before I had Paige and they don't know why so they wanted to be safe and keep me to be evaluated 1 extra night. So I'm home now and on some blood thinner shots I have to have given every 12 hours and also on coumidan and will be going to see the dr on Tuesday for more blood to be drawn and check my levels on several things. Then will be going back on Wednesday to get the results and to hopeully find out what caused this clot, they are thinking it was caused by hormonal issues more than the D&C or the birth so we shall see. I'm so thankful for all the prayers that are continually going out for me. I am so ready to be healthy again and not be back in the hospital again for a long time so please keep me in your prayers. My friend Heather came here to visit for a week and poor thing has been in the hospital alot of the time but thanks to my parents they took her to the mountains and several different places to sight see today so she is having a good time. My leg still hurts alot but seems to get better when I walk on it for a little while. I will keep everyone updated on my recovery and what I find out from the dr on Wednesday.

The letter we wrote to Paige Miracle that was read at memorial service.

To our sweet baby Paige Miracle,

From the very moment we knew of your existence, we have loved you. We were so blessed to have had 4 precious days with you after being prepared that we may only have minutes. During these days we had the chance to notice the little things that we would never have known about you otherwise. Things like you having Mommy’s widow’s peak in your hairline and Daddy’s “Lying Toe” on both feet as well as big sister Leilani’s full lips and perfect little dimple by those sweet little lips. Such memories we have to treasure, thank you so much for holding on and giving us extra time to spend with you, what a precious gift.
When I think of all the things you’ll never do in this life…all the “firsts” we will not experience with you, I am reminded that you gave so much more in your short life than most of us give in a lifetime of many years. Your gift of a chance at life to all those babies who otherwise would have no hope is just one of the many miracles of Paige. You have touched the lives of so many already and you have even caused some to reassess their belief that there is a God.
All of your nurses were amazed to hear of all the “Miracles of Paige” and were so very impressed by your strong will to live and seemingly having your own agenda of when it was time to go to Jesus.
Your apparent fondness of the number 4 will forever impact our lives. From your birthday of 4/8, your time of birth at 4:44pm, your weight of 4 lbs. 8 oz., and the fact that you are the 4th Anencephaly baby in the United States to offer the gift of life through organ donation. Not to mention your time spent in this life was 4 ¼ days, almost to the minute. When Pastor Hale came in to pray with us and console us after your passing he reminded us not to forget about the 4th man in the fire; rightly fitting because without that 4th man we would never have had the strength to endure these last 4 months following your diagnosis.
Baby Paige, this family of 4 will not be the same without you…when we all took our turn to say our “see you later’s” we came to realize that while it will seem like such a long time to us, for you it will be but a brief moment before we are reunited in that haven called Heaven at end of the road.

May 2nd!

Donor Alliance called me the other day to give me an update about the donation. They are going to be able to use the heart valves for 2 babies and the liver for 2 babies which will save 4 babies lives, of course it was 4 babies because that's her number. I also was told that it is true that Paige is the 4th Anencephaly baby to be able to donate in the United States (another 4). Since Paige donated there have been several other babies that are now signed up to donate because of her story so she is helping other families realize that their anencephaly babies could donate and help other babies.
I was dropping off some milk at the hospitals milk bank area the other day and the nurses were helping us fit it into the freezer and they said there are 3 preemie babies just at that hospital in the NICU that are using donated milk and when me and my mom walked out we said I think they must be mistaken its probably 4, well sure enough Rose came and was talking to us and we didn't even mention what they said and she said there are 4 babies right now using donated milk, (theres another 4) the number 4 is so special to us now! I can't thank God enough for all the miracles he has given and shown us through Paige.
I went into the bank today and met with the banker who had helped us set up the donation account for Paige and she remembered me and asked how long Paige lived and was so happy we got time with her, and I was so happy that she was nice enough to care and ask me.
When I went into the drs office last Monday about a medical issue I was having with my recovery and to see if I needed to have a d&c the receptionist told me you might be getting a bill in the mail but just ignore it and you will also be receiving a refund. I had no idea what she was talking about and just said ok in a confused voice. Well today when Jonathan got the mail I opened up an envelope with a refund check inside from my dr's office for the exact amount I had paid to the office the first 6 months of my pregnancy. Another blessing and miracle has taken place, I don't know the reason for the refund but I'm sure it's because Paige touched someone elses heart. Everytime I tell someone her story they are so touched and I'm so glad I can share all the miracles that God has done because of our sweet baby girl!

April 15th!

Today we are having the burial with just our family and Laura and Rose which are like family to us and Pastor! It's a little chilly outside today but luckily not snowing or raining. We all head over to the funeral home to see Paige one last time before the burial takes place. Leilani takes her 2 first teeth she has lost 1 while Paige was still in Mommy's tummy and 1 after Paige was born, actually lost it on the day of the Memorial Service. It was all her idea when she lost her first tooth to give it to Paige to remember her by so we wrote a note and put them in a little bag together. I let Leilani know before we came into the viewing room that we would be seeing Paige one last time but that she was already in Heaven with Jesus and that it was just her body that we were seeing so she wouldn't be confused and even though she is only 5 she seemed to understand what I meant. When we got into the viewing room before the funeral director opened the beautiful white fluffy casket Jonathan said by the way I noticed last night that she still has the wrap on from the hospital can we take that off? It was a blanket that we had used from the NICU when she left to go to the mortuary so they wouldn't drop her blanket or lose it before the burial. So he said of course so he lifted her up and we took it off of her and me and Jonathan got to hold her 1 last time and I cried and she was so fragile but so beautiful still. I told my parents it would be ok if they took a picture of us with her 1 last time and then I laid her down into her little casket and Leilani put her lamb she had picked out for her in there with her and then her 2 teeth and then the funeral director took a picture of all of the family together with her one last time. We all headed down to BabyLand for the burial and after Pastor spoke we had a balloon release in honor of Paige with pink balloons it was beautiful even though it was very windy and the balloons went really fast into the sky. We then watched her casket be put into the vault and Candace,Ana and Leilani all put their pics they had colored for her into the vault with her and Jonathan,me and Leilani put a rose on top of her casket. It was then time to say see ya later never goodbye because we will see her someday soon in Heaven and we can't wait for that day. We had a ton of food from the church at our house so I invited all the family to come over to eat lunch and my sister stopped to get drinks and ice and some bread and stuff to go with what we had already it was so sweet of her can't thank her enough for that blessing to us. After my family went home I decided it would be nice to take a nap and Jonathan and Leilani went to Target with Nana and Papa and got spoiled and then they brought us Chillis home for dinner, so glad we both have such wonderful supportive caring families and such wonderful friends.

April 14th!

Today Jonathans family will be coming into town for the Memorial Service and we are so thankful that both Jonathans sisters,Dad, and Mom and niece get to come. Joane arrived shorly after I woke up this morning and since our photographer hasn't returned our call about doing the slideshow she said she would get started working on it for us. I finally got in contact with our photographer and she seemed a little overwelmed but kept saying she should be able to get it done in time for us, but when she mentioned she had to leave in like an hour to do a photo shoot for a wedding I just told her that my sister-in-law was here and could do it for us so she wouldn't have to stress out about getting it done in time. I wanted the slideshow to be perfect and she was having issues with her computer and not answering our phone calls and everything so I just decided it wasn't worth me stressing out about it that Joane could do a beautiful job with it and didn't seem stressed about doing it at the last minute at all. So Joane finished it in like an hour for us and of course the pics had to be 4 secs long to make the song end in the right spot for the amount of pics we had wanted to use. I will post the letter that explains Paige and her 4's later this week, 4 was her number if you haven't noticed that already. The rest of the family was also supposed to arrive this morning but their flight got cancelled so their flight came in just a couple hours before the Memorial Service so they literally came here and changed and we all dashed off to the church. I hadn't taken ibuprofen lately so of course Laura being the caring person she is went and found someone in a classroom downstairs and had them find me some pretzels to eat so I could take medicine so I wasn't in pain sitting through the service and she gave me her water bottle, like I said before don't know what I would do without her she is like family to us all now and I'm so glad her Pearl and my Paige are together in Heaven. The service was beautiful and Joane sang 'Visitor from Heaven' so beautifully and Marietta read the letter just perfectly and Bro. Hood said just the right things and Bro.Hales message was just wonderful and perfect and can't forget the beautiful singing of Sis.Hale and her singers she had with her and the beautiful song 'We are standing on Holy Ground'. I was so happy to see so many of our wonderful friends and even people that we hadn't seen in years that we used to work with at Sears, it meant so much to us to have so many people there. We can't thank everyone enough for coming and being there and making our baby girls service so special!