November 16th!

Today was supposed to be the most exciting day of our whole pregnancy, it was finally time to find out what we were having and we were so excited, we set our ultrasound appt. up for the first time available which was 10:00 am so we wouldn't have to be wondering and waiting all day long to find out. My mom came and picked me and Leilani up for the appt. so we could be there by 9:45 to check-in and Jonathan left work to come meet us there. According to the appt. card they had given me it sounded like my dr. would be the one doing the ultrasound but when they called us back I started to walk to the room where they always get my weight and blood pressure usually and the lady was like nope we are in this room right here and took us into an ultrasound room right away, seemed kind of strange but I figured ok guess they will be doing all that stuff after we find out what we are having. I laid down on the table and they started to look at the baby and we were all watching the screen closely to see what we saw, and my mom had her camera out to videotape when they would tell us if it was a boy or girl because thats how we wanted to tell everyone on facebook, but the ultrasound tech freaked out and was like no you can't tape or take pictures so she ended up putting the camera away. We didn't think to much about it but then she kept looking at different things about the baby and it seemed to be taking alot longer to find out what we were having unlike when we found out with Leilani. She had me go empty my bladder which seemed strange and she left the room to and then we both came back in and then she told us we were having a Girl which I actually handled really well even though I wanted a boy so bad, but I just started thinking about my healthy baby girl and all the cute dresses she would get to wear that were Leilani's. Everytime we asked her questions about getting a picture of her whole body or asked any questions she would just ignore us but I just got the impression she was a rude person. They turned off the screen and asked us to go into the room across the hall to wait for the dr to see us which I thought was normal because we were supposed to see her that day anyways, so my mom took Leilani out in the waiting room to play because it had been a long appt. already and we didn't know how long the dr. would take to come see us. The nurse came in a couple times and said she will be in soon, she got held up it might be about 15 or 20 mins. so we waited and at that point started texting everyone in our phones to tell them we were having another girl. After over 30 mins. the dr finally came in and she said I have some bad news about the ultrasound and our hearts about dropped to the floor and we got scared wondering what in the world could be wrong with our baby girl. She said your baby has Anencephaly which is a birth defect that is incompatible with life and she will not survive. We immediately started crying histerically as the dr. kept explaining things to us and telling us our options were to terminate the pregnancy or carry full term and she would either be stillborn when she was born or die minutes to days after. I then told her to go get my mom I needed her to tell her what was going on because I was to upset and emotional to remember anything I had just been told. My mom came in and saw me and Jonathan crying and asked what was wrong and hugged me and the Dr. then went on to explain what was going on and what would happen to our baby, she was then crying also we didn't know how we would handle a situation like this and as we cried we asked more and more questions which alot of them the dr didn't know how to answer right away so she left the room to give us a few mins. and came back and had some of the answers to our questions like she had went and researched what we had asked her. She told us we could see a specialist in the next couple of days to get a second opinion but was pretty sure from what she had seen it was definately Anencephaly. We were already thinking that we would just tell Leilani that her baby sister is sick but because my dr's office wasn't very smart and didnt have a nurse watch her she was in the room when the dr told us our baby would die, so our very smart almost 5 year old told someone in the next day or so that her baby sister was going to die I was so upset that they didn't handle the situation better than they did. We left the dr's office in tears and I called my best friend right away and asked if we could come over there for a few mins. which she was perfectly fine with and she heard me crying and started to get worried for us. We went over there and told her what was going on and I just cried in her arms she was wonderful and assured me that God would take care of everything and she was praying for me. We had several errands to run that day to get ready for our Florida vacation with Jonathan's family the next week but had to cancel some of it as we were not ready to face people yet. My mom took Leilani and watched her for us for a couple hours so we could rest and just have some time to be alone without her worrying to much about all the crying that was going on. I ended up crying myself to sleep on this night and my head hurt so bad from all the stress I felt!