May 22nd!

Today was a pretty good day besides the rough night we had with our 5 year old last night, she woke up at 3am coughing really bad and acting like her throat hurt. Every year around Easter time she gets croup cough due to her allergies but thankfully it didn't happen then and waited till now because I wouldn't have been able to help her feel better with everything I was dealing with close to Easter. Jonathan and I were going to my best friends wedding today so luckily we had already planned to have Leilani stay with G-ma today because she didn't want to go with us anyways. The wedding was beautiful and the rain stayed away and the sun kept coming in and out of the clouds, the only thing that would have made it better is if the wind hadn't been blowing so much. It was nice to be able to get out of the house today for an event other than going to the dr or the store. I dropped Jonathan off at home after the wedding because he also is not feeling well and is sick with a bad cold then went on to my parents house to get Leilani. Leilani wasn't feeling well at all but we got her to eat some dinner and then she was ready to go home which made me know she really didn't feel well because she doesn't usually want to leave if she is playing with her cousins. So we came home and relaxed the rest of the evening and gave her some medicine. She didn't cough much this evening but started coughing alot more a couple hours ago so we brought out the nebulizer to see if it would help, got to get her better hate seeing her sick.
As far as the blood clot in my leg goes it still hurts a little bit and I have been going to the dr like twice a week to have my blood levels checked for the coumadin and will be going back again on Tuesday to have it checked again and talk with the dr. So far my levels are going up like they should be so the clot should slowly be dissolving now, oh and I'm off the shots too as of last Monday so that's wonderful news. When I go back in on Tuesday the dr will be telling me the results from all the tests they did that are finally back so please keep me in your prayers that everything is ok and that the blood clot isn't genetic or anything to be worried about. I asked the nurse if I could start working out again at the gym and she said not for a few weeks that they want to get my levels steady for a couple weeks before I do anything like that. She said I can take short walks but to take it easy still. I'm so ready to just be better. I did start babysitting again this past week and it was really nice to get back to a routine and have someone for Leilani to play with again. Leilani's fits were getting bad again but they seem to be alot better this week since I'm feeling better and can give her attention. We are all missing Paige so much and talk about what she must be doing up in Heaven and who she is with there. I'm sure she is making lots of friends. I'm still sleeping with her blanket she used most of the time she was at the hospital and her lamb that was given to us at the hospital. She has her little lamb with her and Leilani has the same one and me and Jonathan have this one that we share. I don't ever want her smell to leave the blanket, I love to cuddle up with it and remember her and how precious she was and of course I usually cry, it feels like so long ago that she was with us but also so short. I am just now going to be going for my 6 week postpartum check-up on Tuesday. I will update everyone on Tuesday with my results from the tests so please continue to keep me in your prayers please!

Paige Miracle

May 8th!

Today is Mother's day and also Paige was born 1 month ago so there are alot of emotions today missing my baby girl. To add to those emotions I just got home from being in the hospital for two nights with a blood clot in my left calf. Luckily the dr says it's a pretty small clot and I caught it in time before it spread or got bigger, god had his protecting hand over me once again and I'm so greatful for that. I would have went home last night instead of today but my platelet count seems to be alot lower than when they checked it before I had Paige and they don't know why so they wanted to be safe and keep me to be evaluated 1 extra night. So I'm home now and on some blood thinner shots I have to have given every 12 hours and also on coumidan and will be going to see the dr on Tuesday for more blood to be drawn and check my levels on several things. Then will be going back on Wednesday to get the results and to hopeully find out what caused this clot, they are thinking it was caused by hormonal issues more than the D&C or the birth so we shall see. I'm so thankful for all the prayers that are continually going out for me. I am so ready to be healthy again and not be back in the hospital again for a long time so please keep me in your prayers. My friend Heather came here to visit for a week and poor thing has been in the hospital alot of the time but thanks to my parents they took her to the mountains and several different places to sight see today so she is having a good time. My leg still hurts alot but seems to get better when I walk on it for a little while. I will keep everyone updated on my recovery and what I find out from the dr on Wednesday.

The letter we wrote to Paige Miracle that was read at memorial service.

To our sweet baby Paige Miracle,

From the very moment we knew of your existence, we have loved you. We were so blessed to have had 4 precious days with you after being prepared that we may only have minutes. During these days we had the chance to notice the little things that we would never have known about you otherwise. Things like you having Mommy’s widow’s peak in your hairline and Daddy’s “Lying Toe” on both feet as well as big sister Leilani’s full lips and perfect little dimple by those sweet little lips. Such memories we have to treasure, thank you so much for holding on and giving us extra time to spend with you, what a precious gift.
When I think of all the things you’ll never do in this life…all the “firsts” we will not experience with you, I am reminded that you gave so much more in your short life than most of us give in a lifetime of many years. Your gift of a chance at life to all those babies who otherwise would have no hope is just one of the many miracles of Paige. You have touched the lives of so many already and you have even caused some to reassess their belief that there is a God.
All of your nurses were amazed to hear of all the “Miracles of Paige” and were so very impressed by your strong will to live and seemingly having your own agenda of when it was time to go to Jesus.
Your apparent fondness of the number 4 will forever impact our lives. From your birthday of 4/8, your time of birth at 4:44pm, your weight of 4 lbs. 8 oz., and the fact that you are the 4th Anencephaly baby in the United States to offer the gift of life through organ donation. Not to mention your time spent in this life was 4 ¼ days, almost to the minute. When Pastor Hale came in to pray with us and console us after your passing he reminded us not to forget about the 4th man in the fire; rightly fitting because without that 4th man we would never have had the strength to endure these last 4 months following your diagnosis.
Baby Paige, this family of 4 will not be the same without you…when we all took our turn to say our “see you later’s” we came to realize that while it will seem like such a long time to us, for you it will be but a brief moment before we are reunited in that haven called Heaven at end of the road.

May 2nd!

Donor Alliance called me the other day to give me an update about the donation. They are going to be able to use the heart valves for 2 babies and the liver for 2 babies which will save 4 babies lives, of course it was 4 babies because that's her number. I also was told that it is true that Paige is the 4th Anencephaly baby to be able to donate in the United States (another 4). Since Paige donated there have been several other babies that are now signed up to donate because of her story so she is helping other families realize that their anencephaly babies could donate and help other babies.
I was dropping off some milk at the hospitals milk bank area the other day and the nurses were helping us fit it into the freezer and they said there are 3 preemie babies just at that hospital in the NICU that are using donated milk and when me and my mom walked out we said I think they must be mistaken its probably 4, well sure enough Rose came and was talking to us and we didn't even mention what they said and she said there are 4 babies right now using donated milk, (theres another 4) the number 4 is so special to us now! I can't thank God enough for all the miracles he has given and shown us through Paige.
I went into the bank today and met with the banker who had helped us set up the donation account for Paige and she remembered me and asked how long Paige lived and was so happy we got time with her, and I was so happy that she was nice enough to care and ask me.
When I went into the drs office last Monday about a medical issue I was having with my recovery and to see if I needed to have a d&c the receptionist told me you might be getting a bill in the mail but just ignore it and you will also be receiving a refund. I had no idea what she was talking about and just said ok in a confused voice. Well today when Jonathan got the mail I opened up an envelope with a refund check inside from my dr's office for the exact amount I had paid to the office the first 6 months of my pregnancy. Another blessing and miracle has taken place, I don't know the reason for the refund but I'm sure it's because Paige touched someone elses heart. Everytime I tell someone her story they are so touched and I'm so glad I can share all the miracles that God has done because of our sweet baby girl!

April 15th!

Today we are having the burial with just our family and Laura and Rose which are like family to us and Pastor! It's a little chilly outside today but luckily not snowing or raining. We all head over to the funeral home to see Paige one last time before the burial takes place. Leilani takes her 2 first teeth she has lost 1 while Paige was still in Mommy's tummy and 1 after Paige was born, actually lost it on the day of the Memorial Service. It was all her idea when she lost her first tooth to give it to Paige to remember her by so we wrote a note and put them in a little bag together. I let Leilani know before we came into the viewing room that we would be seeing Paige one last time but that she was already in Heaven with Jesus and that it was just her body that we were seeing so she wouldn't be confused and even though she is only 5 she seemed to understand what I meant. When we got into the viewing room before the funeral director opened the beautiful white fluffy casket Jonathan said by the way I noticed last night that she still has the wrap on from the hospital can we take that off? It was a blanket that we had used from the NICU when she left to go to the mortuary so they wouldn't drop her blanket or lose it before the burial. So he said of course so he lifted her up and we took it off of her and me and Jonathan got to hold her 1 last time and I cried and she was so fragile but so beautiful still. I told my parents it would be ok if they took a picture of us with her 1 last time and then I laid her down into her little casket and Leilani put her lamb she had picked out for her in there with her and then her 2 teeth and then the funeral director took a picture of all of the family together with her one last time. We all headed down to BabyLand for the burial and after Pastor spoke we had a balloon release in honor of Paige with pink balloons it was beautiful even though it was very windy and the balloons went really fast into the sky. We then watched her casket be put into the vault and Candace,Ana and Leilani all put their pics they had colored for her into the vault with her and Jonathan,me and Leilani put a rose on top of her casket. It was then time to say see ya later never goodbye because we will see her someday soon in Heaven and we can't wait for that day. We had a ton of food from the church at our house so I invited all the family to come over to eat lunch and my sister stopped to get drinks and ice and some bread and stuff to go with what we had already it was so sweet of her can't thank her enough for that blessing to us. After my family went home I decided it would be nice to take a nap and Jonathan and Leilani went to Target with Nana and Papa and got spoiled and then they brought us Chillis home for dinner, so glad we both have such wonderful supportive caring families and such wonderful friends.

April 14th!

Today Jonathans family will be coming into town for the Memorial Service and we are so thankful that both Jonathans sisters,Dad, and Mom and niece get to come. Joane arrived shorly after I woke up this morning and since our photographer hasn't returned our call about doing the slideshow she said she would get started working on it for us. I finally got in contact with our photographer and she seemed a little overwelmed but kept saying she should be able to get it done in time for us, but when she mentioned she had to leave in like an hour to do a photo shoot for a wedding I just told her that my sister-in-law was here and could do it for us so she wouldn't have to stress out about getting it done in time. I wanted the slideshow to be perfect and she was having issues with her computer and not answering our phone calls and everything so I just decided it wasn't worth me stressing out about it that Joane could do a beautiful job with it and didn't seem stressed about doing it at the last minute at all. So Joane finished it in like an hour for us and of course the pics had to be 4 secs long to make the song end in the right spot for the amount of pics we had wanted to use. I will post the letter that explains Paige and her 4's later this week, 4 was her number if you haven't noticed that already. The rest of the family was also supposed to arrive this morning but their flight got cancelled so their flight came in just a couple hours before the Memorial Service so they literally came here and changed and we all dashed off to the church. I hadn't taken ibuprofen lately so of course Laura being the caring person she is went and found someone in a classroom downstairs and had them find me some pretzels to eat so I could take medicine so I wasn't in pain sitting through the service and she gave me her water bottle, like I said before don't know what I would do without her she is like family to us all now and I'm so glad her Pearl and my Paige are together in Heaven. The service was beautiful and Joane sang 'Visitor from Heaven' so beautifully and Marietta read the letter just perfectly and Bro. Hood said just the right things and Bro.Hales message was just wonderful and perfect and can't forget the beautiful singing of Sis.Hale and her singers she had with her and the beautiful song 'We are standing on Holy Ground'. I was so happy to see so many of our wonderful friends and even people that we hadn't seen in years that we used to work with at Sears, it meant so much to us to have so many people there. We can't thank everyone enough for coming and being there and making our baby girls service so special!

April 13th!

Today we had to wake up at 8am to get to the funeral home by 10am to try and plan Paiges Memorial Service for Thursday night the 14th. Jonathan and I got about 3 hours of sleep and headed to the funeral home to meet with the funeral director and have Laura on speaker phone during the whole thing to make sure all the plans were done well. We don't know what we would have done without Laura and Rose and String of Pearls the last serveral months, we can't thank them enough for everything they have done for us. We came to the funeral home after we had found out Paiges diagnosis to start the planning so today would be an easy process and not much details to plan out which I'm so glad we did it all ahead of time. Between the lack of sleep and the grieving and everything we have to get done today for the service tomorrow night it's a relief to have most of it already done. String of Pearls even helped us with the funeral costs and we can't thank them enough for that and everything else that we were able to have to make memories with Paige that we will cherish forever. After leaving the funeral home this morning we had lots of things to get done to make the service for Paige perfect. So we headed to my parents house to start on the list of things that needed to get done. My mom helped me write the letter and my dad helped Jonathan write out the obituary and Rachel and Tyler had already made and printed out the programs and were just waiting for the order of service to be approved by our Pastor so they could print those out and put them into the programs, we are so thankful to them and my parents for all their help and my sister was a life saver by watching Leilani with her 3 girls for several days in a row and even over night a few nights. My family just pulled together as a team to get everything done perfectly for Paiges Memorial Service and we can't thank them enough. Even my cousin who is in Illinois helped us by fixing a picture for us for the shadowbox we were having made by 2 lovely friends to be displayed at the service. I'm also so thankful for Kendra from church for helping me with plans by sharing her order of service and obituary and different things ahead of time to help us start the planning can't thank her enough. When we finally did get most everything done today we totally crashed and slept so well, I just cuddled up with Paiges brown blanket she used alot and her lamb that was given to us from Rose, I cried of course as I smelled her sweet baby smell she had on her blanket but it helped me to sleep knowing she was safe in the loving arms of Jesus!

April 12th!

Today was day 4 of Paige still living and when we woke up we noticed that Paige was gasping for air a little bit like she was having a harder time breathing and she began to have more intense seizures than before. We also wanted to make sure and hold her as much as possible today so after I had got up and ready for the day we began to start holding her and Rose decided to come and do her hand and foot molds and other items we had wanted to get done that we hadn't got done when she was first born, I also decided because it had been awhile since she had a bath we would give her another bath and make her smell all yummy with her lotion and dress her in a new outfit. So Grandma Honey held her as Rose and another wonderful nurse and Jonathan did the molds on her hands and feet and she got all dirty from the clay. When they were doing them it was so hard to see her get more and more seizures as the day passed. When she was all done I gave her a bath and tried to get all the clay and paint off of her and then put lotion on her and put a new hat and outfit on her and Rose grabbed her camera and decided to take some pictures of her just in her diaper, by this time Laura was with us again and they set her up all like a little model having a photo shoot done it was adorable so I grabbed her creme hat with the pink flower to get some pics of it and grabbed her pink blanket and her lambs and we got some amazing pics she was just a little princess! It couldn't have been a more perfect day with all the memories we were getting of her. My best friend called during the photo shoot and said she was nearby and was going to stop by so she came by for a little while and got to see our little model posing and then had a chance to hold her again for a little while before she had to leave. After she left Laura was holding her and she was beginning to spit up stuff and kind of gag and have more seizures and her skin was yellowish from the jaundice she was getting from not eating anything the last 4 days it was so hard to watch but we knew it was getting closer to time for her to see Jesus and we knew from reading other stories it was all part of the process. With all that was happening her heart rate stayed up really high she was just so strong willed like her Big Sister. We had Lisa and Courtney come to meet our little Angel and take their turn to hold her and we showed them the foot and hand molds and they were discussing with us about putting them in a shadowbox for us to have as a precious memory. When they left and my dad and Rachel left Grandma Honey was holding Paige for awhile and I decided I wanted to hold her for a little while before bed so my mom handed her to me and decided to go out in the hall to use the restroom so she could come back and start getting ready for bed (she told us later that she was crying out in the hall praying to God to please let this be her time to go to Heaven because I don't think Amber and me and Jonathan can watch her seize and gasp for air all night long it would be to hard on us) so I held her in my arms and asked Jonathan for a wet washcloth to wipe the corner of her eyes because all the tears she kept having in her eyes were making her skin kind of gookey so I wiped her eyes and told her how much I loved her and that I didn't want her to hold on for us any more that Jesus was waiting for her to be with him and when she was ready we would all be ok and that yes we would miss her but we would be ok, just within a few mins she started to seize alot and would lift up her head and gasp for air and all of a sudden her heart rate started to drop from being in the 100's to way down where the alarm went off and I said we are losing her as there was tears in my eyes, my mom walked in right then as I was saying we are losing her and ran to my side and either her or Jonathan called the charge nurse right away and they were in the room within a few seconds, so I continued to hold her and just say its ok you are going to be with Jesus very soon he's waiting for you. We all started calling people, I called Laura first and then Rose and the nursing staff called donor alliance to get them there in time. She passed so quickly right in my arms and at that moment I was so glad I was the one who was holding her last and I was the first one to hold her when she was born. To this day I still think about how she went to be with Jesus and how I'm so glad it wasn't a long process of her heart dropping and gasping for air, it was so much easier to see her go peacefully and quickly. Laura, Rose and my dad all showed up really quick to quickly actually they were all speeding to get there I'm sure. About an hour later our baby girl had her Daddy carry her into the operating room so she could donate her heart valves and liver to other babies. Her heart valves would go to 2 babies and her liver would go to 2-4 babies so she would be saving the lives of at least 4 babies, such a miracle! After she came back from the surgery with Rose we held her again and then waited for the people from the mortuary to come get her. It was so hard to watch her leave that room all wrapped up in a blanket. Shortly after she left the room we gathered our stuff up that we had packed all up during the surgery and loaded it on a cart and walked through the hospital with empty arms around 4am. I was so glad we left then because there wasn't many people around to see us crying and leaving with flowers and bags and no baby. We came home and got in bed to get up in like 3 hours to head to the funeral home to make arrangements for her beautiful Memorial Service that would be on Thursday evening at our church.

April 11th!

Today is Monday and Paige is still fighting to hold on and stay alive, her heart rate is still very strong and her color is really good, the nurses and staff are just amazed at the Miracle of Paige and even though we aren't admitted any more they still come in to check on us and see Paige. Paige sure touched alot of the nurses and staff's hearts and changed them so much! My mom came back early this morning and decided because of my emotions last night and even still this morning she wasn't going to leave again until we went home, she felt like she needed to be there with us for the extra support and comfort we may have needed. When she arrived I told her that we were going to hold Paige all day long and not put her down because I felt like maybe she felt like we hadn't held her enough and that's what she was holding on for. I always got this feeling that she was hanging on for us for some reason and even though we kept telling her she didn't have to fight to stay with us that we understood she would be going with Jesus soon she still held on strong.Laura came again today to be with us for a couple hours and got to hold Paige some more. I had some complications with my recovery and was freaking out about it which was the total cause for my high emotions last night and this morning so when another one of my wonderful nurses figured out what was going on and fixed the problem my emotions drastically changed immediately and I said I'm going to relax and know that we are ok to be here as long as Paige is still alive and that from this moment on I'm not going to think about when she is going to be with Jesus I'm just going to enjoy her every moment with us. I also felt that Paige was looking out for her Mommy and didn't want me to go home with this medical issue and start planning her Memorial service and ignore the problem and end up in the ER so maybe that's why she was fighting to stay alive. It was amazing to see how a medical issue being solved could change my emotions so quickly. I had prayed the night before for God to give me peace and he definitely did at that point right there, I'm so thankful to know a God who answers prayers! Having Paige be born alive and living for so long are true miracles from God and we are so thankful for all the wonderful miracles we are seeing and have seen the whole pregnancy. My sister stayed at home with the girls today and kept Leilani with her because all the emotions were getting pretty intense being in the hospital room and we wanted the girls to be able to have some normal time at home. My mom stayed with us tonight and my dad came up in the evening for a little while and they went to dinner and brought us some pizza back for our dinner. My dad ended up leaving about 9pm and we got to bed a little earlier than usual. We had noticed that there was alot of different things going on with Paige that hadn't happened before now and I had read some of the things in other peoples stories of their babies with anencephaly like she was starting to get tears in her eyes and more seizures and she also slept with her mouth wide open all night long which might have been because she was having a harder time breathing, we knew she wasn't suffering and wasn't in pain so that helped but it was still beginning to get harder on us knowing we couldnt do anything for her but hold her and tell her how much we loved her and would miss her.

April 10th!

My mom and dad came back to be with us this afternoon after they took a much needed nap from taking Nana and JoJo to the airport at like 4am this morning. Tyler and Rachel ended up dropping by for a few hours to be with us and Paige and Tori and the girls came with Mom and Dad also. So we had a full room minus 2 once again and it was really nice, Paige loved all the commotion and attention. She started having little seizures today and we found that if we weren't holding her she had less of them, guess the excitement of being held triggered them. My dr came in this evening and discharged me and Paige but because we were donating her organs and under the circumstance that Paige wouldn't live very long and we needed to be there after she had passed within an hour, the hospital boarded us in our same room we were in like we were at a hotel, I was so thankful to them for that, what a wonderful thing to do for families in these situations! I wouldn't have nurses coming in every few hours to check on us and wouldn't be able to order food or anything because I wasn't admitted any more and I took my own ibuprofen since I wouldn't be getting a bill for this part of the stay. All the family left pretty early this evening because of the work week starting again in the morning so me and Jonathan were with Paige alone which was kind of nice, my mom even took Leilani home with her. Well in the middle of the night I woke up very emotional and couldn't stop crying and was just feeling alot of emotions running through my head about being at the hospital and feeling like we would be kicked out soon and all I could think about was I can't take Paige home because if she passes away while we are there I will always have to remember those things like, we are in the room she passed in or how she passed and also because we were worried we wouldn't get back to the hospital in time for the donation because we live like 30 mins away. Jonathan ended up calling my mom in the middle of the night to see if she could calm me down and she said she would come to the hospital right away which I didn't want her to do so I said no and said I would be ok just come right away in the morning, well I still was very upset so Jonathan got Rose to come in and she said she would sit with me all night if I wanted her to which I didn't want her to have to do but I told her I didn't need a nurse to come check the monitor for me every hour that I would still be checking it myself and wanted to be alone with my baby and husband so she let the nurse know that we didn't need her to check it for us. When I finally started to calm down after Rose kept telling me don't worry you won't be kicked out of here over and over again Jonathan surprised me and brought in another nurse I had really liked and that cheered me up alot just to have her talk with me a few mins and give me a hug! I decided I would just watch some of my 7th Heaven while I was in bed and then hold the lamb that Rose had brought for Paige and us and was finally able to fall asleep for a few hours.

April 9th!

Today is Saturday and Paige is still living and has a really good high heart rate. I didn't sleep well last night just thinking about the not knowing of when she is going to pass. The un-known is way harder than we ever imagined it to be. All the family came back to be with us at the hospital today and we are all just hanging out in our huge hospital room passing around Paige. Since she has the heart rate monitor hooked up to her you have to sit in a certain seat to hold her now so the machine doesn't beep or her links don't come off! Sometimes while holding her the links move and the machine beeps but we just adjust them and her heart rate goes right back up. She loves to be held and you can totally see that by her heart rate which always goes up even higher while she is being held! I only bought her 2 outfits and had 2 hats made for her so I only had 1 for the hospital because we never thought we would need more than 1 for the hospital and 1 for the burial but we were wrong we have a strong little fighter with us so my sister is bringing some of Bellas preemie outfits and hats for Paige to wear because she shouldn't have to wear the same outfit everyday she is still with us. Thankful for my sister to allow us to use some of the cute things Bella only wore for a little while, so when we take pictures we can see and remember everyday that Paige was still with us. We are letting Nana and Auntie JoJo have alot of time holding Paige today because they are leaving to go back home tomorrow morning and won't be back until the Memorial Service. We all still can't believe Paige is still hanging on and so strong but are so happy for every moment we have with her. The lactation department brought me a breastpump to use because I am planning on donating to the Milk Bank to help preemie babies since Paige can't eat and I'm sure she would want to help other babies and use her milk. My best friend Marietta came back to the hospital today and spent about an hour with us this evening after alot of the family left and got to hold Paige for awhile again. My mom decided she would go home to sleep tonight because Jonathan was able to help me during the night and I didn't seem to need her for anything during the night like I thought I would. One of my wonderful nurses told me she would come in and check the monitor every hour without waking us so we could get some much needed sleep so I slept with Paiges lamb that Rose had brought to her and us and I slept so well, and my nurse just had to wake me up every 4 hours for ibuprofen and I would dose right back to sleep.

April 8th!

Started the pitocin this morning to get my contractions going more and I'm about 3 cms dialated so far. My dad and Rachel took the day off of work to be at the hospital with us for the birth so the whole family is with me in the labor and delivery room today and we are just chatting and hanging out waiting for the time till I feel I need to be alone and breathe through the contractions with just my mom and hubby with me. I didn't have an epidural with Leilani my 5 year old so I wanted to try and not get one this time too, I have a pretty high tolerance for pain and I hate needles so that's why I always avoid the epidural. I wasn't going to close the door on getting it completely this time because I was told the induction could take several days and Paige wouldn't come down the birth canal on her own so I would just see how everything was going before I made my decision. I wasn't being checked very often and my contractions were starting to get pretty intense so I decided to have the nurse check me to see how things were progressing and how much longer I had to go and when she checked me I was only at like 5 cms and she told me it would probably be another 4-6 hours before I was ready to push so I decided it was time to kick everyone out of the room and get the pain shot through my IV so I could get some rest between contractions like I did with Leilani so I wouldn't be exhausted when it was time to push. So as I did with Leilani I did with this labor also I would dose off for a few mins and wake up breathing but this time I never completely dosed off like last time because the contractions seemed to be so much closer together than with Leilani so I would start to finally fall asleep and then wake up breathing and Jonathan and my mom would hold my hand. Within maybe 20 mins. if even that long I started doing my breathing exercises pretty intensely like hehehehe hooooo instead of hehe hoo lol and Jonathan and my mom both thought I think it might be time and right as they though that I said I think I'm ready to push so they called the dr in and they hurried up and set up everything as fast as they could and sure enough I had went from 5 -10 cms in like 20 mins. and was ready to push. During the pushing I didn't know what was going on but I literally felt like I was going to die and was delivering a 20 pound baby or something. My mom kept saying I think she needs more oxygen because I didn't look very good and they were just focusing on getting Paige out. As you see in the ultrasound picture with her chubby arm she also had shoulders like a football player and got stuck. We had discussed with my dr that if her heart rate was going down and there was a chance she wouldn't survive the birth we would go in for an emergency c-section to have a better chance for a live brith because it was so important to us because she had to be alive to donate her heart valves and liver and she had stayed alive the whole 9 months so we wanted to meet her alive if at all possible. Well her heart rate stayed high even during the time of being stuck and having to be pulled out she was so strong. When she was finally out and they put her hat on her head they laid her right on me and we were all crying and so happy she was still living, we kept just saying Thank you Jesus because that was truly a miracle after such a complicated and difficult delivery down the birth canal. Rose and my mom and Jonathan were all taking tons of pictures and everyone was crying and were just amazed she was still breathing. All the family was waiting outside the door because they also didn't think she would make it out alive or they thought she would die right away so they wanted to make sure they were right there to meet her as soon as I was ready to have them all come in. Everyone came in to meet her and were just in awe of how beautiful and perfect she looked, you couldn't even really tell there was something wrong with her when she had her hat on and she looked so much like her Big Sister Leilani. Her eyes were pretty swollen from the delivery but other than that she was just beautiful. Our photographer that was supposed to come take pictures couldn't come till 9 pm and we didn't want to wait that long because she was born at 4:44 pm and we didn't know how long she would be alive so I'm not sure who but I'm guessing Laura found another photographer that was already at the hospital and she was going to come up right away to take pics so Laura and my wonderful nurse Julia got me all dressed and ready really quick and we got some awesome pics from the photographer and Rose who was also taking tons of wonderful pics at the same time. It was all like a dream because she was still with us and we were told that would most likely not happen, so we just kept having to thank God for this little Miracle he had given us. When the photographer left we had family come back in and got pics with each of the families with Paige seperately and they each got to hold her. The Hoods and the Hales came and my best friend Marietta also came right after we had got all the pics taken. Laura from String of Pearls took her turn to hold Paige and she rubbed her little cheek and was talking to her telling her about her daughter Pearl who she would meet up in Heaven and to tell her hello for her and Paige just laid there and said uh huh in this cutest little undescribeable voice like she actually heard her and was agreeing with her about Heaven and Pearl (I'll post the video of it once we find out who actually got it on their camera because several got their cameras out to capture the sweet moment). I tried to sit there and eat some dinner as Paige was just passed around the room with different family members and they all told her how much they loved her and how beautiful she was and I just sat there and watched everyone love on her as she still was breathing. I can't remember what time people left but I know it was late and we were just enjoying all the time with her and Rose decided to bring in a cradle for her to sleep in and a heart rate monitor machine to hook her up to so we would know when she was passing by an alarm hooked up to her instead of not sleeping at all and making sure she was still breathing all night long. I still didn't sleep well that first night because I was constantly checking on her and watching the monitor and being woke up every 4 hours for ibuprofen. The reason for the monitor was because we needed to know when to let donor alliance know it was time because in order to donate she would need to be in the operating room an hour after she had passed. Donor Alliance actually stayed the whole night at the hospital thinking she would pass during the night but nope our strong little baby girl was a fighter and she kept her heart rate in the low 100's. Something I forgot to mention was when she was born we also needed her to weigh at least 6 pounds to be able to donate and when my dr looked at her she said oh yeah shes at least that she is chubby, well when they weighed her she only weighed 4 lbs 8 ounces so we were kind of sad that she would only be able to donate 1 of the items but when Rose talked to Donor Alliance she came back and told us they were going to allow her to donate anyways, talk about a flood of tears and thank you Jesus coming from us. God is so good and he kept showing us so many miracles. My nurses were so touched by our family,story and Paige fighting to stay alive. They would always come in and talk to her and were so sweet to us and they treated us like family, even when they weren't working they would call to check on us and were so surprised that Paige was still holding on.

Evening of April 7th!

The induction has been started with a pill that I will take every 4 hours during the night and I am still 2 cms dialated. My mother-in-law, sister-in-law Joane, Leilani, My hubby and my Mom are with me at the hospital along with Rose and Laura from String of Pearls that will be staying the whole night at the hospital to be at the birth of Paige. I will be taking something to help me sleep in a little while because induction could take a long time with this baby they say. My hubby and Mom are staying the night with me and Leilani will be going home to sleep with Auntie and Nana and coming back in the morning for the birth. We have the biggest room with a beautiful view of the mountains right out our window and we are at the end of the hall all by ourselves thanks to Rose and Laura!

April 7th!

Today is the big day and I'm starting to get nervous about the induction this evening at 7:30pm but also excited to meet Paige!

April 6th!

Tomorrow is the big day! We are so excited but so nervous for the birth of our baby girl Paige, I didn't sleep well again last night. I have so many things on my mind right now about the birth and everything I need to get done to make everything perfect for the arrival of our baby girl! I'm also trying to get all the laundry and everything around the house completely caught up so I don't have to worry about it when I get home from the hospital. Jonathan's mom will be coming in tomorrow morning to be with us and watch Leilani for us during the birth and Joane his sister will be coming in tomorrow evening right when we are supposed to be at the hospital for the induction so my sister will be picking her up at the airport for us to bring her to the hospital. We will all visit for a little while and then they are going to take our vehicle and Leilani and come back to our place to sleep so they will be well rested for the birth on Friday. I've been trying to prepare Leilani so she won't freak out when she has to leave the hospital without Mommy and Daddy. She loves Nana and Auntine JoJo so she will be fine and spoiled as always. We have Wi-Fi in our labor and delivery room so we are going to be updating facebook and this blog to let all our friends and family know whats going on so please continue to keep us in your prayers. All the prayers we have been getting have helped us to get through the last 4 months and we appreciate them so much!

April 5th!

Today we went for our last dr. appt. before being induced on Thursday! Our dr was really sweet and made sure to give us time if we had any questions about what is going to happen and how things are going to work with the induction. My blood pressure was normal this time so thank God for that answered prayer. The only reason I can think it was high last week is because of starting this blog lol but oh well it's definately been worth it with the wonderful response from family and friends who have read about Paige and her wonderful life with her Mommy,Daddy, and Big Sister. It really has helped me to be able to write everything down and just remember all the wonderful memories we have had with Paige the last 9 months! I was still 1 cm dialated and 70% thinned and Paige still seemed to be head down and in position so all is good there. All the nurses and the office staff have been wonderful to us and so sweet, when we left the office the 2 ladies in the office made sure to say they would be thinking of us, going to miss those ladies! We then headed over to the hospital to meet Laura from String of Pearls in the lobby to go to the labor and deliver floor to meet Rose (the neonatal nurse that works at the hospital and helps Laura with String of Pearls) and a couple ladies from Donor Aliance to sign all the paperwork and get the final details on Paige being able to donate her heart valves and liver to other babies after she is born. I was asked several health history questions and after answering no to almost every single one of them I felt very healthy! God has definately been good to me! They needed to draw my blood to make sure everything was healthy with me in order for Paige to be able to donate and I forgot that we were going to have that done during this meeting and hadn't drank any water all day long so I started chugging down a water bottle that Rose had brought for us, but when the nurse went to draw my blood out of my arm she wasn't able to get much so they called someone from the lab to come and do a butterfly on my vein in my hand so I kept drinking the water like crazy so they would get all the blood they would need which was like 4 tubes, the guy from the lab came in and was very gentle with me, didn't hardly feel a thing as I held Jonathans hand and looked in his direction because I hate needles and can't stand to look at them. The good thing is they will be able to use the blood they drew for the Milk Bank also which I am planning on pumping and donating milk for about a month after to also help babies, so yah for not being poked again for that test. Donor Aliance shared with us that Paige could donate her heart valves after she was born even if she wasn't born alive as long as they knew when her last heartbeat was, so that was wonderful news and then we were told she could donate her liver if she was born alive and took at least one breath but then later Laura called us and said they told her they found out she wouldn't even be required to take a breath just have a heartbeat when she is born and would qualify for the donation. The only other qualification for her to help other babies would be she would have to be at least 6 pounds and no infection or anything so pray that the antibiotics they give me for the strep b during labor will clear everything up to make her healthy enough and we still would love to be able to have her born alive so we can meet her that way! I haven't been able to sleep really well the last 2 nights because I have alot of emotions running through my head right now about the birth and everything we have ahead of us. We still know that God could work a miracle and heal her completely but we also know that it might not be his will and purpose for her and I know he will give us the strength to get through all the hard times when we miss her if he decides she should go to Heaven.

God answers prayers!

I got a call from my Dr. earlier this evening to let me know the blood test for toxemia came back negative, Praise God for answering our prayers once again!

Memorial Fund

For those of you that want to help us but don't know what to do to help we opened up a Memorial Fund for Paige at our bank to help with medical bills and funeral costs so in lieu of flowers you can donate to any US Bank to "The Paige Miracle Mapas Donation Acct."

Thanks!

I just want to thank everyone that has been praying for us this whole pregnancy and since we found out about Paiges diagnosis. We appreciate your prayers and support and everything you have done for us already, to every person that has asked us what they could help us with or offered to watch Leilani for us we appreciate your kindness so much. I don't know what you can do for us but continue to pray for a short and easy labor and delivery, for a live birth, to get some quality time with Paige and our family at the hospital and to always help us to never forget her!

March 29th!

Today was my second to last Dr. Appt and I got some good news and bad news. The bad news was that my blood pressure was higher than normal so they did a blood test to check for Toxemia and are going to let me know what the resluts are as soon as they get them back so please keep me in your prayers once again, if I have it I would have to deliver earlier to prevent having issues with my liver, as far as symptoms go besides the high blood pressure I haven't had any so I'm sure God will work it all out. Just last week I found out my Strep B test came back positive so they are going to have to give me antibiotics when I'm in labor to keep Paige from getting an infection so also keep me in your prayers for that situation because if she gets an infection she wouldn't be healthy enough for organ donation. We are also asking for prayers for a live birth because she needs to be alive even if its for 1 minute to donate her heart valves and liver to save a total of 4 babies lives and we would love to hold her and meet her alive knowing she was alive for the last 9 months and she was able to make it through the birth canal alive. If she gets distressed during labor my dr has agreed to let us have a c-section to give her a greater chance for a live birth. The good news we got yesterday was that when the dr checked me Paige was down really low in position and I was 1 cm dialated which I was told would most likely not happen on its own so thank God for answering our prayers once again and starting labor for us to make the inducing earlier.

March 28th!

Today my best friend treated me to lunch ( guess where we went) Paiges favorite place Red Robin hehe! It was so nice to sit down with her and just be able to talk without any interruptions and catch up. It had been way to long since we had hung out. I went back to her house for about an hour and she was able to help me with a few questions I had about Paige's Memorial Service we are going to have! Thanks to my sister who watched Leilani for me!

March 24th!

We had our second 3d/4d ultrasound today in Aurora with Joyce! My mom was able to go with us which was wonderful for her to experience the memory of Paige with us. We totally got to see Paiges personality today during the ultrasound. She was moving her mouth like crazy like she was trying to have a conversation with us and then all of a sudden she would turn her head like to look at us, it was so precious. Joyce is going to send us a dvd of it which will be so wonderful to have to always remember her personality. I'm sure she was going to be a comedian like her Dad and Big Sister! We love her so much already and our love will continue to grow more and more everyday. I'm so glad I have had 9 full months to enjoy her every kick and flip they have been so memorable memories. Leilani never really moved around to much so it has been extra special with Paige. I still remember when Leilani first saw and feel her move she laughed and then cried it was so touching to see her reaction to her baby sister!

March 17th!

A friend I haven't seen in probably 5 or 6 years came and picked me up today to take me to lunch so we could catch up. We used to work together at Sears, she was always so sweet to me and we would always talk when I came into the office where she was working. She had me pick where to go for lunch so I picked Red Robin because Paige loves french fries hehe! We had a wonderful visit and I got to meet her beautiful 4 month old daughter too! She treated me to lunch which was a wonderful blessing and such a sweet thing to do and she brought us a gift that I'm sure she put alot of effort and time into finding for us. One of them was a little statue of a teddy bear and this particular bears name was Paige ( how perfect is that) and the other thing was a guy and a girl holding a baby and it said Bless this Miracle, Bless this Circle of Love which she bought because our babys name is Paige Miracle because she is truly a miracle from God to us! So thankful for wonderful friends that I can be an inspiration to during this trial!

March 8th!

Today we had professional maternity pictures taken through a group called Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep that we were referred to through String of Pearls. The photographer took like 74 pics of us and spent about an hour with us making lots of memories for us to remember Paige in years to come. She will also be coming to the hospital to take pics of Paige and us when she is born. This is a totally free service to us and is so much appreciated. I will post the pics soon to let everyone see how well they turned out!

February 15th!

Today after our Dr.Appt. we met Rose (a neonatal nurse we met from String of Pearls) at the hospital and she gave us a private tour of labor and delivery so we wouldnt have to take the tour with all the other mom's that were going to be asking me lots of questions. So thankful we were able to take a tour since we delivered Leilani at a different hospital. After we had the tour Rose asked us if we wanted to hear what she had found out about organ donation and we said sure so we sat down and she had some wonderful news for us. Originally when we met with her and Laura we asked about organ donation and told them we were interested in Paige helping save other babies lives, and they told us that they would most likely have to keep Paige alive with life support for her to be able to donate so I was kind of turned against it because I wanted her to be able to pass when she was ready naturally and not have to worry about deciding when to pull the plug because I think that would be really hard. So Rose told us she had talked with Donor Aliance and found out that just recently ( so recent it gave her goosebumps for us) they are just now allowing Anencephaly babies to donate their heart valves and liver and they would help 2 babies each and we wouldn't have to have her put on life support and keep her alive. She also told us that as long as she was born alive they would be able to do the donation if everything was still healthy but they wouldn't take her for the operation till after 3 hours of her passing away. So we were so excited because we wanted all the time with her while she was alive. I couldn't stop smiling after we left the hospital because once again I felt like God was working so many miracles again!

February 12th!

Today was the day we would be going to check into our options at Mt.Olivet funeral home. Courtney a friend of ours from church offered to watch Leilani for us today so we could take my mom with us. We showed up and walked in and were treated very rudely and asked what we were here for and who was it for, so we sat down and waited for someone to come and talk to us and just had this horrible feeling it was going to be a bad experience. The funeral director came to us and we explained to her that Laura from String of Pearls had called them and was told we wouldn't need to make an appt to come in to talk about details and could just come in on Saturday between a certain time, the lady was like yeah you should have an appt and was all rude and said I can talk with you but have an appt in 45 mins. She then began to ask rude questions and say who is this for so I then pointed to my belly and said our baby Paige. She then felt pretty bad about everything she had said and took us into one of the offices to talk with us about our situation and started to explain that it would be totally free to us to have her buried. When we asked to see pics of the caskets she said she didn't have pictures right now and she was the only one there so she couldn't show us anything either. She also said we wouldn't be able to pick the casket till after she was born because it depended on her size. How silly is that remark, are babies really that much different in size, not really. We told her we would call her and let her know what we had decided and we walked out the door and all of us said No Way we don't care if it's free Paige deserves better than this. So we had made up our mind to go with Olinger and Laura let them know for us!

February 5th!

Today was definately not as easy day. We met Laura from String of Pearls at Olinger Funeral Home to check out where Paige could be buried and talk about funeral arrangements and costs, lots of tears were shed but the people there were so wonderful and nice to us. It started to snow when we got there so by the time we were ready to go check out Baby Land the snow was covering the ground pretty thick and the flakes of snow were huge, very beautiful but so cold. We were very impressed with where the babyland was located and how it was set up it was such a peaceful feeling. Laura showed us where he baby Pearl was buried so it was nice to know that Paige would be close to her another baby that had gone on to Heaven. We didn't make a decision today because we had 1 other funeral home to check out the next weekend.

January 27th!

Today we went for our first free ultrasound given to us by String of Pearls. Joyce the nurse who was doing our ultrasound was Filipino and really sweet, she took several different pictures of Paige for us and spend an hour with us even though it was after hours. Such a blessing to us to be able to see our baby girl moving around!

December 24th!

We spent the day with my family for Christmas Eve and had lots of yummy food and sweets. Opened presents and just relaxed and let the kids play the rest of the evening. It was a wonderful day to just be able to sit and relax and enjoy family time!

December 7th!

Today was the day we left Florida to come back home, we had such a wonderful time visiting with family and friends and were totally spoiled while we were there as always. We went to several theme parks during the 2 weeks we were there and were so happy for some of the family to be able to get off work and come with us a few of the times. Paige got to ride some rides with her sister and saw many many shows! Definately a wonderful memory to have with her. I was always exhausted and slept so well every night after walking around and enjoying the fresh but cold air. I didn't relaize Florida got as cold as it got. We took many pictures so we can remember the places Paige got to go while I was carrying her in the womb. So thankful to my wonderful in-laws for paying for Leilani's plane ticket and getting us a hotel room so we could be comfortable the whole 2 weeks we were there!

November 28th!

Today was the day for Naomi to be dedicated at church! They had waited to get it done so the whole family could be there which was really nice. I thought I would be fine but boy was I wrong. The family was asked to come up to the front of the church so we all did and when we came back to our seats they started singing a song (can't remember the name of it right now) but I lost it and just broke down crying right there realizing we wouldn't be able to take our baby girl to our church to have her dedicated. I was so glad we were sitting very close to the front of the church so not many people saw me break down crying. I felt like I was ruining the whole dedication, but couldn't help it. Jonathan was right there next to me and comforted me and I'm sure he was then crying to. I'm so glad we were able to be apart of Naomi's dedication but it was so much harder than I thought it would be.

November 25th!

Thanksgiving Day! Paige got to eat her first Filipino feast made by her Papa! There was tons of yummy food and we had a wonderful time hanging with the family and then we went back to the hotel to take a much needed nap before we started to shop all the Black Friday specials. We left the hotel to meet the rest of the family at about 9pm to make it to Toys'R'Us by 10pm. We lucked out and found a parking spot for both the vehicles because someone was leaving because they didn't want to wait in the super long line to get into the store. One nice thing about Black Friday shopping in Florida is at least when you are waiting to get into the store it's not cold outside. We ended up going to several stores through the night and into the next morning and then came back to the house to drop off a load and the guys and us girls went back out for more shopping on the morning of Black Friday. I remember by about 1pm that next day I was starting to drag and was surprised I had lasted as long as I did. So after lunch with the whole family that afternoon I went back to the hotel and took a much needed nap. Paige was probably wondering why I was walking around all over the place in the middle of the night! It was a fun experience for all of us!

November 22nd!

Today we left for our Florida vacation that we had already planned before we knew about what was going on with Paige. We couldn't have planned a better time to go see Jonathan's family and be able to relax for 2 weeks, God must have known we would need this vacation. It's so awesome how he works everything out so perfectly!

November 18th!

Today we were scheduled to meet with a specialist to find out if the diagnosis we were given about our baby girl was really true. Several people were praying for us all over the place and it meant so much to us to see so many posts and prayers going up all over facebook for us and our baby. Jonathan and I had sat with my mom the night before writing out a list of questions we had to ask the specialist about my health and different things we wanted to know about Anencephaly babies. We had done alot of research in the last couple of days about it but still needed some questions to be answered. The specialist did the ultrasound and did verify that what our dr. had seen was definately true. She was very sweet and went over several areas on the ultrasound for us showing us a healthy heart and tons of different things and let us ask questions while she was doing the scan. She then turned off the screen and we began to ask her a whole list of questions which she answered everyone of them just like we had hoped. She told us it wasn't dangerous for me to carry a baby with anencephaly if that's what we had decided which I told her that would be our only option we would never ever terminate. Our baby girl was alive and we would carry her the whole nine months and enjoy every minute we had with her when she was born. So we left the specialist office feeling so much peace about the whole situation and we then felt God was already giving us some amazing strength and helping us to understand that he has a purpose and plan for everything we go through in life. We don't always understand why we have been chosen but we trust God with everything. We know God can work miracles and could heal our baby girl but we know that it might not be his will and he might need her in Heaven and want to work miracles through her instead.

November 16th!

Today was supposed to be the most exciting day of our whole pregnancy, it was finally time to find out what we were having and we were so excited, we set our ultrasound appt. up for the first time available which was 10:00 am so we wouldn't have to be wondering and waiting all day long to find out. My mom came and picked me and Leilani up for the appt. so we could be there by 9:45 to check-in and Jonathan left work to come meet us there. According to the appt. card they had given me it sounded like my dr. would be the one doing the ultrasound but when they called us back I started to walk to the room where they always get my weight and blood pressure usually and the lady was like nope we are in this room right here and took us into an ultrasound room right away, seemed kind of strange but I figured ok guess they will be doing all that stuff after we find out what we are having. I laid down on the table and they started to look at the baby and we were all watching the screen closely to see what we saw, and my mom had her camera out to videotape when they would tell us if it was a boy or girl because thats how we wanted to tell everyone on facebook, but the ultrasound tech freaked out and was like no you can't tape or take pictures so she ended up putting the camera away. We didn't think to much about it but then she kept looking at different things about the baby and it seemed to be taking alot longer to find out what we were having unlike when we found out with Leilani. She had me go empty my bladder which seemed strange and she left the room to and then we both came back in and then she told us we were having a Girl which I actually handled really well even though I wanted a boy so bad, but I just started thinking about my healthy baby girl and all the cute dresses she would get to wear that were Leilani's. Everytime we asked her questions about getting a picture of her whole body or asked any questions she would just ignore us but I just got the impression she was a rude person. They turned off the screen and asked us to go into the room across the hall to wait for the dr to see us which I thought was normal because we were supposed to see her that day anyways, so my mom took Leilani out in the waiting room to play because it had been a long appt. already and we didn't know how long the dr. would take to come see us. The nurse came in a couple times and said she will be in soon, she got held up it might be about 15 or 20 mins. so we waited and at that point started texting everyone in our phones to tell them we were having another girl. After over 30 mins. the dr finally came in and she said I have some bad news about the ultrasound and our hearts about dropped to the floor and we got scared wondering what in the world could be wrong with our baby girl. She said your baby has Anencephaly which is a birth defect that is incompatible with life and she will not survive. We immediately started crying histerically as the dr. kept explaining things to us and telling us our options were to terminate the pregnancy or carry full term and she would either be stillborn when she was born or die minutes to days after. I then told her to go get my mom I needed her to tell her what was going on because I was to upset and emotional to remember anything I had just been told. My mom came in and saw me and Jonathan crying and asked what was wrong and hugged me and the Dr. then went on to explain what was going on and what would happen to our baby, she was then crying also we didn't know how we would handle a situation like this and as we cried we asked more and more questions which alot of them the dr didn't know how to answer right away so she left the room to give us a few mins. and came back and had some of the answers to our questions like she had went and researched what we had asked her. She told us we could see a specialist in the next couple of days to get a second opinion but was pretty sure from what she had seen it was definately Anencephaly. We were already thinking that we would just tell Leilani that her baby sister is sick but because my dr's office wasn't very smart and didnt have a nurse watch her she was in the room when the dr told us our baby would die, so our very smart almost 5 year old told someone in the next day or so that her baby sister was going to die I was so upset that they didn't handle the situation better than they did. We left the dr's office in tears and I called my best friend right away and asked if we could come over there for a few mins. which she was perfectly fine with and she heard me crying and started to get worried for us. We went over there and told her what was going on and I just cried in her arms she was wonderful and assured me that God would take care of everything and she was praying for me. We had several errands to run that day to get ready for our Florida vacation with Jonathan's family the next week but had to cancel some of it as we were not ready to face people yet. My mom took Leilani and watched her for us for a couple hours so we could rest and just have some time to be alone without her worrying to much about all the crying that was going on. I ended up crying myself to sleep on this night and my head hurt so bad from all the stress I felt!

August 30th!

Today was our first Dr. Appt and we were so excited to hear that little heartbeat and see that beautiful picture on the screen of our baby. We were given the due date April 7th which was very exciting because that was Jonathan's birthday, I had to tell him he couldn't make me wait if I went into labor early because he wanted her or him to be born on their actual due date, which of course if you know Jonathan at all he made jokes and said he would make the baby wait so they could share the same birthday. We got the cutest ultrasound pic, the baby looked like a teddy bear when we thought it would maybe look like a tiny spot or something at that early in the pregnancy. So we came home and were so proud to show family and friends and post it as our profile pics on facebook. From this point on I was always excited to go to the dr and hear the heartbeat every month to show me that the baby was still ok and to know what the heartrate was so I could compare it to people that had babies that had a heartrate about the same so I could try and figure out if I was having a boy or a girl. I was always googling old wives tales and taking quizzes to try and figure out what I was having, waiting 20 weeks takes forever when you are so excited to find out and start shopping for the new baby. I needed to know if we were going to get to use all of the things I saved from Leilani or if we were going to be able to buy blue this time and start all over with everything.

July 29th!

We were so excited to take a pregnancy test and it came back positive, we had waited almost 5 years and we were so ready to have another baby around again. Leilani was in Florida for a month with her Nana and Papa so we called her and the family to tell them of the wonderful news. She was so excited to be a Big Sister and when we picked her up at the airport a couple weeks later she asked where her baby brother or sister was and of course we explained that they wouldn't be here for several months and that they needed to grow nice and big before coming to see her! We decided to wait till our first Dr. Appt to tell everyone the good news which was so hard but we lasted till the weekend before our first appt. before we blabbed the good news. We were so scared of having another miscarriage so were definately happy to get to 12 weeks and be pretty safe from then on. I wanted a boy so bad this time so we could have 1 of each and be done and would pray everyday for a boy and even if it wasn't a boy for it to be healthy. We started thinking of names and wanted something different to go with Leilani which is a hawaiian name. We didn't want this baby to feel like we didn't take time on their name so we had decided if it was a boy it would be Landon Bryce and if it was a girl Paige Mackenzie. Those were the only 2 names we could both agree on and I was going to try and convince Jonathan of another Hawaiian name after we found out what we were having.