April 12th!

Today was day 4 of Paige still living and when we woke up we noticed that Paige was gasping for air a little bit like she was having a harder time breathing and she began to have more intense seizures than before. We also wanted to make sure and hold her as much as possible today so after I had got up and ready for the day we began to start holding her and Rose decided to come and do her hand and foot molds and other items we had wanted to get done that we hadn't got done when she was first born, I also decided because it had been awhile since she had a bath we would give her another bath and make her smell all yummy with her lotion and dress her in a new outfit. So Grandma Honey held her as Rose and another wonderful nurse and Jonathan did the molds on her hands and feet and she got all dirty from the clay. When they were doing them it was so hard to see her get more and more seizures as the day passed. When she was all done I gave her a bath and tried to get all the clay and paint off of her and then put lotion on her and put a new hat and outfit on her and Rose grabbed her camera and decided to take some pictures of her just in her diaper, by this time Laura was with us again and they set her up all like a little model having a photo shoot done it was adorable so I grabbed her creme hat with the pink flower to get some pics of it and grabbed her pink blanket and her lambs and we got some amazing pics she was just a little princess! It couldn't have been a more perfect day with all the memories we were getting of her. My best friend called during the photo shoot and said she was nearby and was going to stop by so she came by for a little while and got to see our little model posing and then had a chance to hold her again for a little while before she had to leave. After she left Laura was holding her and she was beginning to spit up stuff and kind of gag and have more seizures and her skin was yellowish from the jaundice she was getting from not eating anything the last 4 days it was so hard to watch but we knew it was getting closer to time for her to see Jesus and we knew from reading other stories it was all part of the process. With all that was happening her heart rate stayed up really high she was just so strong willed like her Big Sister. We had Lisa and Courtney come to meet our little Angel and take their turn to hold her and we showed them the foot and hand molds and they were discussing with us about putting them in a shadowbox for us to have as a precious memory. When they left and my dad and Rachel left Grandma Honey was holding Paige for awhile and I decided I wanted to hold her for a little while before bed so my mom handed her to me and decided to go out in the hall to use the restroom so she could come back and start getting ready for bed (she told us later that she was crying out in the hall praying to God to please let this be her time to go to Heaven because I don't think Amber and me and Jonathan can watch her seize and gasp for air all night long it would be to hard on us) so I held her in my arms and asked Jonathan for a wet washcloth to wipe the corner of her eyes because all the tears she kept having in her eyes were making her skin kind of gookey so I wiped her eyes and told her how much I loved her and that I didn't want her to hold on for us any more that Jesus was waiting for her to be with him and when she was ready we would all be ok and that yes we would miss her but we would be ok, just within a few mins she started to seize alot and would lift up her head and gasp for air and all of a sudden her heart rate started to drop from being in the 100's to way down where the alarm went off and I said we are losing her as there was tears in my eyes, my mom walked in right then as I was saying we are losing her and ran to my side and either her or Jonathan called the charge nurse right away and they were in the room within a few seconds, so I continued to hold her and just say its ok you are going to be with Jesus very soon he's waiting for you. We all started calling people, I called Laura first and then Rose and the nursing staff called donor alliance to get them there in time. She passed so quickly right in my arms and at that moment I was so glad I was the one who was holding her last and I was the first one to hold her when she was born. To this day I still think about how she went to be with Jesus and how I'm so glad it wasn't a long process of her heart dropping and gasping for air, it was so much easier to see her go peacefully and quickly. Laura, Rose and my dad all showed up really quick to quickly actually they were all speeding to get there I'm sure. About an hour later our baby girl had her Daddy carry her into the operating room so she could donate her heart valves and liver to other babies. Her heart valves would go to 2 babies and her liver would go to 2-4 babies so she would be saving the lives of at least 4 babies, such a miracle! After she came back from the surgery with Rose we held her again and then waited for the people from the mortuary to come get her. It was so hard to watch her leave that room all wrapped up in a blanket. Shortly after she left the room we gathered our stuff up that we had packed all up during the surgery and loaded it on a cart and walked through the hospital with empty arms around 4am. I was so glad we left then because there wasn't many people around to see us crying and leaving with flowers and bags and no baby. We came home and got in bed to get up in like 3 hours to head to the funeral home to make arrangements for her beautiful Memorial Service that would be on Thursday evening at our church.